A Few Weeks In

So I’ve had a week and a half of classes so far and I’ve had a grand total of three tests – only one has actually counted though!  They should definitely stress over and over again that there is a TON more work over here before you get here to study, you really need to be in a mindset prepared to work your butt off.

It feels bizarre starting classes in the middle of August, especially when it’s so hot, given that in Exeter we wouldn’t start until the end of September.  Terms are much longer here and so much more content is covered – I guess that’s a good thing, despite the extra learning that’ll require.

I’m taking five classes and a lab for one of the modules; inorganic chemistry (the professor is British! seems okay so far just more in depth than chemistry back home), analytical chemistry and a lab (the lab sessions are going to require a LOT of work compared to Exeter), forensic biology (considering dropping this as I’ve had three sessions and am yet to actually learn any science), human physiology (reasonably easy so far but interesting), american government (probably my favourite class, weirdly).

Basically so far I have a lot of reading to do, along with actual homework which is super weird.  The American system feels much more spoon-fed than how university is in Britain, much more like being back at school.  As a usually last minute panic sort of person, I like the way it works over here because it forces me to work more regularly to keep up with everything.  It motivates and pushes me more having more deadlines to work to.  I think I’m going to enjoy it, even if I need to get my brain out of the mindset that 70% is a great mark – here it equates to a C! 

It’s been wonderful here so far but I’m getting a lot of homesickness too.  I stopped being able to sleep particularly well, and my mental health problems were beginning to get worse as a consequence, but I went to the doctors and they gave me sleeping pills which has really changed that around.  It’s hard being so far away from everyone I know and love but hopefully that’ll get a whole lot easier!  I’ve got a wonderful exchange ambassador, Erin, who upon hearing that I was homesick invited me over for tea and played my nation anthem to me (this then descended into listening to a bunch of patriotic American songs but the thought was nice, haha).

I’m missing music too.  Being a part of so many bands and entirely stopping that out here has made the transition difficult.  We heard the marching band, the Pride of Mississippi, the other day as a preview for the football season (starting next Saturday!) and I really really enjoyed them, the sax section played a version of Shakira’s ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ which I particularly enjoyed.

On top of all the work so far, the international office took us on a trip to the beach just yesterday.  This was a three hour drive to Alabama’s Gulf Shores, where the sand was white and the weather hot, and so much suncream was needed1  It was a beautiful day and great to get out of the state and check new places out.  We also visited the USSS Alabama memorial park in the afternoon where we got to explore a submarine and a naval ship.  But today the fun stops as I have to work for my deadlines tomorrow.

– Vicky

Waiting is the Hardest Part

I’ve found that over the past few months I’ve become more and more restless, desperate for it to finally be August, desperate to be packing my bag and hopping on that flight (which I am still yet to book, oops).  This is unusual.  Usually I’m absolutely terrified of change, of doing new things; it’s so far out of my comfort zone that I tend to shy away from anything different or reckless.  But this is what I’ve been waiting for.  I’ve wanted to do a year abroad since I applied to do my degree in biochemistry, and here I am, I’m finally getting that opportunity.  It’s thrilling, but so so absolutely terrifying.

There’s just over three months until I leave and I’m so not prepared at all.

It’s not even the fact that I haven’t yet applied for my visa, booked my flights, worked out insurance or any of those details…it’s that I’m not mentally ready.  The excitement is there.  I’ve got that part sorted.  Now, I need to focus on being ready to enjoy this next year to the full and not let anything get in the way of it (especially my constantly up and down mental health).

I think the reason I can’t feel fully prepared just yet is down to this next year still not being a definite certainty.  It’s 90-95% sure to happen, but it’s that last 5-10% that just niggles at the back of my mind all the time.  You see, I have to have a 2:1 (60%) average overall from both my first and second years separately in order to be allowed to go.  In the past, this would have been unthinkably easy – I was always the girl at school getting As and A*s, continuously reaching 80-90% in all subjects, and achieving at whatever I put my hand to.  But now, it’s not unrealistic to feel that I might not hit that target.  A slew of exam failures over the past few years has affected me mentally and emotionally, and my courage in that situation is only just beginning to return.  Part of that is due to the special circumstances I receive in exams (a smaller, separate room and extra time), as well as a consequence of more recent successes.

But these last two exams are filling me with dread.  The ‘what if’s are plaguing me as I continue my revision and it’s all I can do to hold onto my sanity.  My productivity has been incredible (yeah, really, it seems bizarre to me too) and that’s definitely helped.  Improved productivity has boosted my mood and that’s only helping me to spiral upwards rather than the standard depressive spiral I fall into about this stage.  I need to maintain this focus.  In under a weeks time I’ll be done.  All my assessments for second year will be over, and I’ll officially be halfway through my degree.  That’s what’s keeping me going.

You’d think that the year abroad would be motivation to do well in these exams, and yes of course it is, but it also increases the fear of failure.  The fear that I’ll lose a dream that’s so dear to me, again.  So, it’s a tricky balance, but I’m coping remarkably well considering how the rest of this year has been.

Helping me through all of this, with incredible patience, is Jamie, my boyfriend.  And next year is going to be so so difficult for the both of us.  Thousands of miles between us for nine months (well four and a half, we’re planning a visit at around Christmas) is going to be tough, there’s no denying it.  Communication is going to be so important to us, and I can’t wait for those fun skype sessions that we’re going to be having.  I’m sad to leave him behind, and not seeing him for days on end is going to be tricky, but we can only come out of this year stronger.

It’s weird that as I write of leaving everything I know behind, the UK’s future is also uncertain with the general election today, and the likelihood of a hung parliament once more.  And I have friends graduating this year with no plans for the future.  At least I’m never going to be alone in not knowing how the next few months are going to go.

– Vicky